Saturday, October 20, 2012

Love of a "Green Card"

"Why do you want to leave Louisiana?", the principal asked me 6 months ago, "...because I'm in love with the mountains of New Mexico!" That's true but honestly it was more of because I'm looking for a stable job, every year in my old district I was always in the surplus list! PLUS, I heard from friends that they are sponsoring green card visas in the district! - but of course, I will not tell him that in the interview!
So I was hired, fell so much in love with the place, my school, my students, my co-workers, our apartment, everything about where I am -I love! I started to dream again, made future plans, connected with my passion, made friends, enjoyed the simple life and then the BIG NEWS!
"..the district is also faced with budget challenges.. 7 million dollars cut from the 2011-2012 operational budget.. regular attrition.. LAST IN - FIRST OUT."
The phone rang yesterday, I felt my blood rushed out of my face as I walked in the principal's office. All the principals were there, and as I sat all I heard was ".. position no longer mine... budget cut.. based on seniority.. the regular ed teacher whose position was cut has Special Ed endorsement so I have to go.."
In the state of shock, not knowing what to think of while walking out of the office, I called my husband and told him, I was cut, I will no longer be with the school next year! I was so cool about it that made him not panic too!
I taught my last class as if nothing happened, my co-teacher heard about what happened but was decent about it too. After the class, I Googled the net, "special education teacher jobs in the USA" but since I was still in the state of shock, I disregarded the websites on the screen and counted how much I owe my credit cards! BAD. REAL BAD.
So to date, I am still in the midst of a storm. And never in my entire life had I attempted to write about it but now and I had not told anyone! Even, if they know, for sure, I don't mind. You see, every year for the last three years I always find myself without a contract the following year for reasons not in my control and it seems like OK but this time, I have gotten to love everything about where I am! That hurts!
Leo Buscaglia's words just kept ringing in my ears, "An investment in life is an investment in change. When you keep on changing all the time, you've got to continue to keep on adjusting to change- which means you are going to be constantly facing new obstacles and that's the joy of living! And once you're involved in the process of becoming, you're doomed! you're gone! but what a fantastic journey!"
A fantastic journey indeed! I am on H1B Visa AND I only have one year to be sponsored a green card visa!!!! I know I am doomed! and I am gone! BUT it made me cry, it made me think, it made me reflect, it made me look forward to possibilities and most specially it made me believe in the goodness of God and His plans for me and my family.
At this time, I can only think of three things:
First, trust that something really good is going to happen. All the doors, windows and rooftops are opening again to pour out blessings and graces. And this, I believe.
Second, do what needs to be done. Apply, search for jobs, call, email, send letters.. the more prospects, the more possibilities of getting a job! I pray.
Third, let it go. I am letting go of my need for a green card visa. I am letting go because God may have other plans for us. Resigning from the other district was a decision I don't regret, I know my consequences, I know my results, I also know my reasons and what not for leaving. I don't know why it happened, or if it was really designed to happen for a purpose in the first place. No blames, no need to justify, no need to uplift self and be proud. Just the way life is and I have no answer. I let go.